I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
