these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
