John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
