and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
