i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
