How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
