I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
