Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
