a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
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They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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