Pappa wants mamma naked
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
