i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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