if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
