____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
