There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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