Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
