If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm too high and old for this...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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