OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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