I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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