one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think my moral compass just broke
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
