i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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