He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
