White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
