I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
