I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
