Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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