I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
