I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In other news, I just burned my penis
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
