Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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