All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
