Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
