I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
