Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
someone owes me an orgasm
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
