Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
