those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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