I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
