i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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