totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
