Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
