if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
