My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
