I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
