drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
