we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
