anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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