I just made out with a guy for $7.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
