I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
