when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I pour the whiskey from now on
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