Barsexuality is the new black.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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