there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
