He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
