Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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