I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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