i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
