your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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