i barfeds in our rink
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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