Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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