I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
