highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
