i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
