Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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