I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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