do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
