One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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